For display, Not for sale Written by: Amarin Parham
Please keep in mind I am NOT talking about every girl who dresses this way. I understand not everyone dresses this way for the reasons listed. I never intended for this to make people feel ashamed. Feel free to state your opinions in the comments. I respect everyone's opinion and would love to hear how you feel about this topic. Thank you!
Insecure, When you think of that word who do you see. Yourself? A friend? A family member? Who I see are some of the inappropriately dressed girls in our school. Shocked? Everyday I walk down the hallway and see these girls. They curse and pretend to be something there not. They put themselves on display hoping to get attention. The confident girls they seem like on the outside don't reflect who they really are. They are insecure and scared of being turned away by friends. They sell themselves in order to fit in with the crowd. It is time this stopped.
The environment these girls create is toxic. More and more girls fall into there trap. Thinking that if they change the way they dress or look will increase there number of friends. These friends should be able to accept who you really are. If you find yourself in this situation, rethink your actions. Find real friends who actually care for you because of the kind and loving person you are. They should able to compliment you for more than just how you look.
There are plenty more dangers than just getting fake friends. Many girls walk home or go places without adult supervision. The way they dress attracts more then just friends. Many predators see these girls as perfect targets. The way they dress is an invitation accidentally sent. It is not just teenagers and young girls who dress this way. Many adult, married, woman with kids dress to impress also. This problem even extends into people well over 50. This problem isn't going to stop just because I wrote about. I need you to help make a better atmosphere for this school. Thank you for reading!
I understand that many of you may disagree but please see where I am coming from. I want Sparta high school to be a positive experience.
ReplyDeleteWhile I see where you’re coming from, I have to disagree. I dress the way I do because it is how I feel comfortable and confident. I enjoy picking out outfits and doing my makeup. It has nothing to do with how others view me or “impressing people”. Somedays I feel best in a smaller shirt and jeans, others in sweats. I do what’s best for me. While I agree that sometimes people can fall into the trap of trying to change themselves for others, I think it is unfair to insinuate that all girls dressing in a more relieving way are doing it for that reason. If you feel more comfortable in more conservative clothing, great, I think that’s awesome, but there is no need to shame others for the way they feel their best. I respect your opinion and see your point of view, I’m just sharing mine as well
ReplyDeleteThank you for your opinion! I have realized my mistake. I shouldn't have been predigest. I would never want someone to feel ashamed. I have just lost so many friends this way. I do realize how harsh my post is. I promise you I wrote it all with good intentions though. Again, I am sorry for being so predigest. Thank you again! Have a wonderful week!
ReplyDeleteThank you, I really appreciate you adding the disclaimer in the beginning of your post and reconsidering some of what you wrote. I think it’s really admirable that you are able to take others' opinions and reconsider some of your own. Have a wonderful week as well!!
DeleteProud that you guys can have a mature conversation and work at understanding your differing opinions.
DeleteNo, Thank you! You have given me a different perspective that I would have never seen before. I am glad you like the disclaimer. I should've thought of that in the first place. Also, I loved your review about the Met fashion this year. The blanket does look like caption crunch.
ReplyDeleteI don't really agree with this blog post but a major point I wanted to comment on was the fact that you feel girls wearing revealing clothing takes away from your experience at Sparta. I just want to know why. What about girls wearing revealing clothing hurts you directly? I ask that because it seems like most of your problems with these girls come from assumptions and generalizations you've made about them. Have you known these girls long enough to know all of them are fake and the only reason they dress the way they do is because they are extremely insecure?
ReplyDeleteAlso, your comment about wearing revealing clothing and how that makes you vulnerable to predators is misguided. I'm sure you had good intentions and just want to protect girls from creeps, and it's true wearing revealing clothing may get you more attention in general, leading to more attention from creeps, however, wearing revealing clothing doesn't inherently make you vulnerable to predators, being a child does. Predators seek vulnerable people, that's why they seek out children. It doesn't matter to a predator what you're wearing, if you're a child, that's good enough for them. I would also implore you to think about the type of rhetoric you're spreading because, I'm sure this was not your intention, but this same idea of "sending an invitation" is used by many to blame the victim in these types of situations. They tell the girl if they had just covered up, they wouldn't have been hurt, which is just false. It could even be as simple as, "you asked for it" because you were wearing revealing clothing, you wanted the attention, so, it's your fault. I'm not trying to put words in your mouth but I just want you to be aware of what this type of thinking can lead to.
DeleteHello Surekha! Thank you for sharing your opinion! Again, I have come to realization that I my blog post is some what predigest. However, There is a lot truth behind it. If it wasn't a problem the school won't have to remind kids to dress appropriately. Let's pretend you are coming to Sparta High School for the first time. When you first enter the halls most of the girls are wearing a midriff and some are showing cleavage. Wouldn't you feel extremely pressured to dress just like them. Wouldn't you feel like you would need to dress that way to fit in. You can say you wouldn't be pressured but in all honestly everyone would feel pressured. If wearing a midriff or crop top makes you feel confident then great. However, maybe ask yourself why it makes you confident. Is it because everyone else wears it. Again, When I wrote the blog post I was not trying to downplay girls who dress this way. I just need people to realize that the pressure caused by girls dressing this way is a real problem.
ReplyDeleteRegarding Child Predators: When you wrote your comment you stated " but this same idea of " sending an invitation" is used by many to blame the victims in these types of situations". Are you implying that many girls who are kidnapped do dress this way, so that is why they are getting blamed. Again, I completely respect you but that sentence just proves my point even further. I hope I answered all you questions. Thank you again! Have a wonderful day.
To the first part of your reply, I get where you're coming from about wanting to fit in, however, just because you want to fit in, doesn't mean others have to cater to your feelings. To the second part of your reply, I guess I did not illustrate my point clearly enough, and that is my fault. I believe blaming children for any situation with a predator is wrong, especially blaming the way they dress. My argument is that the way they dress has nothing to do with them getting kidnapped, people just use this false narrative to victim blame. Your rhetoric is contributing to said false narrative. The sentence you quoted is the false narrative. I say in the sentence before, "They tell the girl if they had just covered up, they wouldn't have been hurt, which is just false." I do this to articulate how I think this narrative is false. The point of the next few sentences was to show common victim blaming arguments and how it stems from the ideas you state in the blog post.
DeleteAlso, This blog post is directed at some, not all. I am not implying that every girl who dresses this way is fake or extremely insecure. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteHi Amarin! I found your blog post very interesting, I can definitely understand where you are coming from, as a fellow high schooler I to feel the need to fit in, however, the way I see clothing is as a form of self expression, not everyone who dresses like the way you describe wants to fit in, most of them simply like the way it makes them look, and even those who do want to fit in don't dress like that, saying that they dress "inappropriately" to fit in is a generalization. I know many of the girls you are taking about and I am friends with many of them, to paint them as just trying to fit and gain attention in by the way they dress is simply not true, many girls dress the way they do because they like the way it looks, they like the clothing or the brand and there should be nothing wrong with that. If you took the time to know these girls who you see in the hallways, most of them are nothing like the way you describe, they are not fake nor are they toxic, they are some of the nicest people I've had the pleasure to know. To sl*t shame them and to judge them is simply mean and painting them in an unfair light. The way you've portrayed them in this blog uses misogynistic stereotypes and as a fellow woman I can't understand how you can demonize a classmates clothing when they are happy and comfortable in their own skin. And to say that women and girls who dress like this will be more likely to be kidnapped and assaulted is simply disgusting. The way a girl dresses in no way makes her a "perfect target" and someone who dresses modestly is not immune, I can attest to this from personal experiences. Some exposed skin is not an invitation for a predator, the way you explain a girl exposing her midriff or cleavage is objectifying them, that they are just a mannequin to gain the attention of others, "For display not for sale". I too would like to create a better atmosphere in the school, but that can't happen until we stop criticizing our classmates for expressing themselves through their clothing. As women especially, it is our job to have each others backs and support each other rather than create environments where we feel that we are not allows to be ourselves.
ReplyDeleteHello Anna! Thank you for sharing your opinion! I understand that you aren't really seeing where I am coming from. My message isn't that girls who dress this way are horrible people. In the beginning I wrote "some girls". I am not directing this to every single girl in Sparta high school. In your paragraph you mentioned you know some of the girls I am talking about. I don't know which friends you have. If you know that they are kind and amazing people you should know that I am not directing this at them. I am talking about girls who aren't kind and dress the way they do for attention. Thank you for sharing! Have an amazing day!
ReplyDeleteI apologize for saying this, but I’m going to have to disagree with your blog post. Although you say that this post is only about “some girls,” the fact that you are still targeting and forming assumptions such as those particular girls are “insecure” is totally not okay. (imo) I’m just curious to as if you’ve ever chatted with at least one of these girls. Do you really know that the clothing items that those girls wear are for the sole purpose of increasing the amount of friends they have and hiding the fact that they are insecure? That’s a bit silly to me. If anything, they are genuinely trying to express themselves and wear what makes them the most comfortable/confident. I can understand when it is clearly a violation of the dress code. However, I hope you come to the realization that there are many different body types, so a piece of clothing may violate the dress code on one body type, but not the other, even though they are the same. Doesn’t this seem a little unfair to some of the girls themselves? It’s not like they are able to control their body type in order to fit dress code standards. This is a big problem in various school dress coding systems and it needs to be acknowledged. It’s plain out sexualization of teenage high school girls. Anyways, although this is targeted to specifically girls, no matter who you are, a person shouldn’t have to change their wardrobe because another doesn’t feel confident enough to wear it as well. In all honesty, I do not want to make you upset from my feedback. I hope that if there are any insecurities that you find yourself struggling with, that you come to love who you are and be somewhat content with how others act and express themselves as well. Thank you.
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ReplyDeleteNo need to apologize . I value your opinion just as much as mine. Hello Eva, Thank you for sharing how you feel. I don't quite understand where you are getting the idea my post is body shaming girls. My post doesn't say one thing about how a girls body is. I also don't see why if you have a certain body type it would force you to dress this way. In your paragraph you mentioned how that girls feel confident wearing this. Have you stopped to consider why wearing this stuff makes them feel confident? There are so many advertisements betraying girls wearing this stuff. Did you know that the company Pink and Victoria Secret was started by a man. Many poplar girl brands are owned by men. These men made these clothes so it would be appealing to a man. I hope this answers some of your questions. Have a wonderful day as well!
ReplyDeleteAlso, You state that I should be able accept how some girls act and dress. Are you saying I should ignore the fact that some girls curse and treat others terribly. I have only been at this school for 3 weeks and I have already seen about 20 people use the middle finger. Again, I am not just trying to address the problem of clothing but also the way people act.
ReplyDeleteI respect your opinion, but personally...I dress the way I do because I like it, not because I feel its gonna attract more friends, or attention. I dress in crop tops, tighter shirts, ripped jeans, and leggings, etc...because I feel best in them. when I don't, I will dress in sweatpants and sweatshirts. Nothing I wear depends on how other people feel about it, only on how I feel about it. I also don't like that you called "these girls" insecure. You're making assumptions...and I am sorry for being brutally honest, but it only makes you seem in the wrong, because when I think of the word insecure, I don't think of the girls walking around school on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteHello Isabella! Thank you for sharing how you feel! Again, I am glad you dress the way you do because you like it. That is fantastic and I am glad to hear that. However, ever since I have posted this people keep saying that these girls aren't insecure. Let's just say you were forced to wear a princess dress to school, and no one else was wearing one. Would you feel embarrassed? I would assume everybody would feel that way. However, let's say the next day everyone else is wearing a princess dress but you aren't. Won't you feel left out? This same philosophy applies to everyone wearing midriffs and crop tops. I respect you completely but must I ask again why it makes you feel best? I hope I hope I answered everything! Have a wonderful rest of your day!
ReplyDeleteIt makes me feel best because I am confident in the way I look...and your analogy is very true. However, the way girls dress should not make you feel like you have to fix it. Its life, and some people have opinions and some people will disagree with them. Most teenage girls don't dress inappropriately, the way we dress is just the style of this decade. No girl woke up one day and thought to themselves, "If I wear a crop top people will like me more!" It simply does not make sense, I respect your opinion 100%, but clothing does not define a person, and I'm sure you didn't mean for it to come off that way...but it did.
DeleteAgain, That is fantastic I am so glad you feel confident . However, I had never mentioned that clothing defines a person at all. I would never say that. I am just trying to make girls understand that they don't have to dress a certain way for others. You mentioned that this is just the style of the decade. So lets say that the next style of the decade is to wear bikinis to school. Would it then be OK to wear it just because it is popular. Have a wonderful day!
ReplyDeleteWOW - Lots of comments and feedback on this post. I always welcome healthy discussion and we don't have to all agree. Women's fashions have always been under a microscope and judged and they are ever changing. This is a hot topic that, I believe, won't ever go away. Amarin - I commend you for writing your feelings and being open to discussion. I also commend the commenters for giving their own thoughts. These types of discussions are how we learn more about each other and the world at large.
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